Our third secret guests travels under many names...

This is a SECRET SOCIETY

Good evening, whenever you are. There is a wonderful guest waiting to speak to you in the SECRET ROOM.

But first, some PUBLIC INFORMATION.

Those of you who listened to the SECRET MESSAGE last week already know the Obscure Cultural Reference, but there is a much more to this week’s Judge John Hodgman, including an indoor patio, a secret door, and a ROTISSERIE GHOST!

And you can listen to it HERE.

And on the subject of #JJHO, please remember we are returning to the San Francisco Sketchfest in JANUARY.

It’s an all ages FOUR PM SHOW, which is frankly wonderful, at the Palace of Fine Arts, which, I mean, look at it:

“The best arrangement for a marriage is two king beds, each in a separate villa, connected by a reflecting pool.”

Can you imagine a city ever building anything like that again? In celebration of THE ARTS?

I mean, I suppose I could see some SF bros building a temple to crypto or drones or free speech for white supremacists. But that would probably not have a lagoon in it, because it would probably be in space.

Anyway, I don’t think you have to swim across the lagoon to get to the show, so if you’re into it, please get your tickets HERE.

PS: This beardo is Bernard Maybeck, who not only designed the Palace of Fine Arts, but I also just learned he designed furniture for none other than the SWEDENBORGIAN CHURCH of SAN FRANCISCO (!?!) Swedenborg simply will not leave this SECRET SOCIETY alone.

I spent some time this week working on a secret project. It is not something anyone needs to get excited about. There is no buyer for it at the moment. And I’m not sure there ever will be.

It’s just a story that’s been on my mind for about 15 years. I’ve tried starting it many times, and failed an equal number of times, minus one* (I hope). Because this time, I felt the characters finally coming to life a little bit.

You make up these little people and their totally phony names, and you push them around like action figures and try to make them talk and kiss and fight with lasers. And sometimes it just feels like that: dead puppetry.

I just remembered this guy. Antron. I had this guy.

Then suddenly, when you’re writing, a character will say something that you didn’t think of.

Of course you did think of it, unconsciously. It’s from your brain. But only from a part of your brain that would never have been activated until you sat there and moved the action figures around enough.

And then one of the fake-name-action-figures will suddenly stop making “pew pew” laser guns sounds, and instead say something like “Where’s my son?” or “What does that giant space eel want?”

Like everything that emerges totally naturally from the bonkers chemistry of our skull meat, it feels like magic. And even though it isn’t really magic, you still get to enjoy the feeling of magic. And you are obligated to believe in it.

When fake-name-action-figure comes to life, you have to follow where he/she/they/it is going. Even if it messes up where you THOUGHT the story was going. Because their path is truer. And they’ll keep showing you more of themselves as you go.

And their plot is always better than what you had in mind.

Also this guy. Membro. He was one of a set of really niche Micronauts I got for Xmas one year. Even though his brain glowed, he always seemed sad to me.

Funny enough, when the fake-name-action-figure becomes a person, their name changes too. I realize, “oh, you’re not a ‘Mamie Dunlap.’ You’re an ‘Astra Poole.’”

(Those are both names taken from a big list called “NAMES” that I keep on my phone. It’s just a bunch of first and last names that catch my ear. This is a new thing for me. It’s a helpful! Otherwise they all start out as “Dan” or “Laura” for some reason.)

Anyway, it’s good when you catch the whispers of where your characters want to go, even if it makes you feel a little lunatic, because it’s easier to write then.

But it’s also scary. Because it’s one of those things about creativity that feels outside of your control. That’s why they build Palaces to the Fine Arts: they are temples to summon the muses (which is the root of the word museum, BTW. I just looked it up!)

And you’re always afraid that Astra Poole or whoever won’t show up. And that you’ll be sitting in your empty palace alone, like a real muse-less asshole.

But they always do. Sometimes in less than 15 years, even!

I was going to show you a screen shot of my list of NAMES, but then I got possessive. So here’s this, including details of REPTO to round out the cast of these sad, sad action figures. Plus confirmation of my glowing brain story.

Anyway, please come and see our show in San Francisco, or get tickets for a friend. That link again is HERE.

(*Oh, and regarding minus ones, GO SEE GODZILLA MINUS ONE. It’s amazing.)

But now please ascend to the SECRET ROOM to meet our guest. He/she/they/it is someone you probably know and love, and we talk a lot about lists of secret names, share cat pictures, and I read a haunting letter I received.

The rest of this message is SECRET.